What happens when you make a horror comedy with actors that possess no comedic talent. Extremely awkward, rarely funny and too long by half.
''When their originally planned outing is cancelled, four friends go on a hunting trip in Texas. They include Craig, a straitlaced man; Jerry, a mysterious relative of Craig's from New York; Tom, a nerd; and Lance, a hedonist. When they arrive, they discover that a chupacabra has bitten their guide Clyde, and, unknown to all, he has begun to slowly turn into a zombie.''
The synopsis doesn't inform you how ~*wacky*~ the movie is. There's a flaming gay redneck mafia dude that shows up at the beginning. At some point there's conflict between the protagonists and him and one of them get paddled by the mafia boss's cronies. This is the height of comedy this movie is trying to attain.
Between painful jokes about Craig's unfaithful girlfriend, shitty sex scenes with the ''dumb slut'' stereotype neighbor and the meandering plot, there's very little of value here. You might enjoy it more if you're into gore and zombie stuff, but I was just waiting for the whole thing to end.
1 out of 5 redneck zombies.
This is a movie so boring, so bland, so incredibly shitty, that I feel as if I've already reviewed it in the past and I'm stuck in a kind of purgatory where I have to talk about this piece of shit forever. Harsh words, you might think, but I'm 100% serious, this is an offensively stupid movie, made even more agonizing by the fact that the director think he's some kind of auteur making cinema. It seems to have worked as the movie has a 86% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is idiotic at best. Fuck you.
''Tom and Lucy have decided to go on their first trip as a couple, to a music festival and a secluded hotel. However they soon find themselves unable to actually locate the hotel and spend much of their time getting lost in a labyrinthine series of forest roads. As they continue to drive, their tensions rise as they realize that something or someone is deliberately toying with them and enjoying their torment. They pick up Max, a strange hitchhiker that may be connected to everything that is going on.''
Probably the couple with the least chemistry in the world, you'll spend the first half hour trying to figure out if these two idiots have just hooked up for a weekend getaway or if they have actually met before. After a series of increasingly improbably events and choices, they get lost in some sort of maze made out of hedges. Why at no point does anyone say ''fuck it, I'm off-roading this bitch'' is a question that will torment you as the minutes tick on by.
Realizing at some point there's only so long you can go without having anything remotely interesting happen and also that your actors are just not good enough to prop the whole thing up, a weird guy they find on the road is added and that's really where the terribleness of the movie ramps up into nonsense.
This is devoid of value.
0 out of 5 idiots in a car